Just a Stay at Home Mom

Just a Stay at Home Mom

Just a Stay at Home Mom

“I’m not raising my daughter to be lazy.  She is going to be motivated.  She is going to go to college.  She is NOT going to be just some stay at home mom who is totally dependent on her man.  She’s going to be strong.  She’s going to be like ME!”

These were literally the words that a friend of mine (a woman I have been friends with for the past 3 years) said while we were walking one night at our girls dance studio.  The conversation started out like many others.  We are dance moms and spend most (if not all) of our evenings at the studio while our daughters practice for competitions and recitals.  We walk because we are at the studio 3-4 hours a night and well we can’t possibly sit there for that long.  But it’s also a great time to work through our days discussing all that has happened.

Most days this is a fantastic stress relief.  But not this day.

On this day I found myself in the middle of two ladies who were not afraid to share their true feelings about stay at home moms.  Two women that cut me to the bone with their words and I had no idea what to say.  I had absolutely no words for them.  Who was I to tell them that their view of a stay at home mom was hurtful and wrong?

I’m Just a Stay at Home Mom

The more I have thought about this I was upset with myself for not saying a word.  At the time so many thoughts were running through my head (and not one of them should have passed through my lips) that I didn’t have time for my mouth to catch up.  But allow me to take the time, after much prayer, to share my thoughts on this.

  • Lazy = Staying at Home – I’m sure you could make the case that there are “lazy stay at home mom’s” and I’m not going to lie – some days that sounds fantastic.  But can you really?  When you’re home with your kids you are on the move.  You are cooking, cleaning, running errands, and in our case teaching.  You are engaging with your kids and putting value on your relationship with them.  You are showing them that they are worth your time, attention and affection.  I fail to see how this is lazy.  This is a full time gig.
  • Just a Stay at Home Mom – Since when is staying home with your kids “just” anything?  I was married and worked full time in my career for 10 years before I had my first child.  I know what it takes to have a career and I know what it takes to stay home with my girls.  Staying home is anything but “just”.  My job was just a job.  Staying home and raising my girls is everything!
  • Depending On Your Man – YES I depend on my man!  I’m not ashamed to say it because that is what I believe a marriage is supposed to be.  Two people who depend on each other (and he will tell you he does depend on me as well).  It’s a partnership.  Two people coming together as one.  So yes, I do depend on my man and he depends on me.  Not seeing the negative here.
  • A Strong Woman – I’m just going to say this.  Raising your children full time is not for the weak.
  • Be Like Me – We all have days when we wish our kids were like us.  But then we have days where you see them doing something that we don’t like about ourselves and you change your mind.  I have always said I wanted my girls to be like me but better.  I want them to walk away with my good qualities and improve upon them.  So I get where she was coming from to a point.  But I certainly don’t want little clones running around either.  I want to see their personalities shining through!

Now let me make this clear.  I am in no way saying that I am a better mother or stronger woman because I have chosen to stay at home with my girls.  I am fully aware that many women are not able to stay at home even if they’d like to.  I get that – truly I do.  I feel for the hurt your hearts are going through, really.  Maybe that’s the real reason this conversation even happened.  Maybe a hurting heart was truly doing the talking.  I may never know.

But I do know this, the stereo type that a woman who chooses to stay home with her kids is lazy – needs to stop.  It is only hurting our girls.  They are hearing this.  They are hearing that this decision, the decision to “put your life on hold” for your family is lazy.  Our girls are hearing that raising your family is putting your life on hold – that they will have no life.

I don’t know about you but raising my girls has been the greatest adventure of my life.  Sure I had fun before kids.  But being home with them and seeing them grow into the amazing young ladies they are so far is worth stepping away from work – it’s just a job.  My girls are everything.  We have made many (what the world calls) sacrifices for me to be able to stay home.  We had only one car up until 3 years ago.  We don’t take fancy vacations. I see it as a choice that needed to be made and we made it.  Not because I’m lazy and wanted to just lie around on the sofa all day.  Although that does sound like a nice afternoon.  But because that’s what was important to me.  Staying home is what I felt God was calling me to do.

We need to make sure our daughters know that choosing to stay home is not the easy or lazy decision.  It takes a strong and motivated woman to stay home and raise her kids.

Love Life, Love God, Live For HIM…

Comments

  1. Suzette Ladouceur says:

    Awesome post!!!!! I loved your last three sentences. You hit the nail right on the head. -Blessings

  2. Michelle Eichhorn says:

    Beautiful post! As a mom who is 3 years from being an empty nester and a mom who had a big executive job before coming home, I say you are spot on. Oh, these days go by so quickly. They are truly a gift from our heavenly Father.

  3. Rachel Rowe says:

    I think you are right in what you said about a ‘hurting heart’. Sometimes the words that come out of our mouths are indicative of what we keep hidden in our hearts as much as they are about what we really feel.

    A friend of mine, when she told me she was going to stay home with her little girl, was surprised when I responded by saying ‘ that is really brave and a really sensible decision’. After all it is very brave to redefine ourselves. Especially when we are raised to be a ‘strong woman’ which usually means career-driven and independent of a man. It is also sensible because sometimes the cost of working is that you don’t get to see your child and, often, come home (after childcare) with not much left from your salary (unless of course you are the bread winner, in which case all of this then applies to the man or other woman/man, after all they should not feel weak if they are at home with the children).

    Yes, emotionally I think we need independence and the ability to think for ourselves and have our own interests and strength but I married my husband to be a partnership and if you have a decent man he will see the value in you being there, raising your children to be good people.

    It always surprises when I hear about or witness first-hand the judgement we have towards our own sex. Why is it a bad thing to stay home, why is it weak to want to keep a tidy, clean, organised home. And why should we have to justify our decisions.

    I do not have any children yet but I already know that I want to be home with them when I do, at least for the first 3-4 years. My interests span from sewing, baking, walking my dogs, cleaning (yes I am sad), dancing and I plan to share all of these skills with my children. How amazing is that?! They might not see me going out to work everyday but they will see how much effort I put into baking cards that they can recreate recipes from using symbols, and the library we made from an old cabinet or the long talks about stars and bugs and making all sorts of things to experience the world – that in my eyes is enlightening, beautiful and so so precious!.

    Not all women have this choice and if SAHMs see women at the school who look frazzled it might be because they are holding down a job and raising their little person. We all need to practice: kindness, compassion and understanding. Oh and keep our lips sealed if we have nothing nice to say. I for one want my child to not only have an independent mummy with her own interests, but also someone who is kind and understanding.

    Love Mrs Rowe

    xxxx

  4. I had a mom “friend” once tell me they wanted their girls to see the power of a working mom.
    Really?! I have nothing against choosing that route…However, most of the time if one is working someone else is taking care of their children. It had better be a really good job to be worth that and if one is having to pay for the childcare the job had better pay well to make it worth it financially. I’m so thankful we made the choices we did so I can stay home with my children. I do not want to miss these days. I live my job! I do feel though in our society, work is praised so much more over raising children.

  5. I agree completely. I own a business with my husband and I take care of administrative work from home. But even that right now is taking too much of time and energy away from doing a great job at what I love most: keeping a home, raising my dauggter. So my husband and I have agreed to hire someone to replace me. I can’t wait to be JUST a stay at home mom! Our daughter is 7 and I can see time running. When she leaves the nest I want to know: I was there. I enjoyed her while I could.
    My husband and I are celebrating our 19 year anniversary next month and I believe one of the pillars of our marriage is that we have always combined our money. Depending on one another is what marriage is about. I wear a tree of life pendant that symbolizes our family: I am the root, I support my family, I am its foundation yet most of my work is unseen and not recognized by the world.My husband is the trunk: his work is very public, he gets lots of recognition but he is joined with the roots always. Our daughter is the leaves and flowers of the tree: she will grow farther than we ever will, she is what we labor for, to see her flourish is our life’s mission

  6. Jennifer Jackson says:

    Good points in your article.
    Whether a woman chooses to have a career outside the home or to be a full time mom, they should be proud of themselves and do it well.
    I worked in my career fir 5 months during the first 12 months of my daughter’s life. There was nothing glamorous about waking her up early to rush her out the door and dump her off in someone else’s arms, nor missing her first word, steps, and arrival of her first tooth. “Having it all” is overrated. I wish people would downsize their lives and have a slightly smaller home, for example, so that they can stay home to raise their kids. This excludes women who HAVE to work.
    “Why should I sacrifice my career for the kids…?”
    Because you are replaceable at work, not to your children, and they are only young once. As a counselor in an affluent area, I heard many teenagers complain that they just wanted to see their folks more. Having children is the ultimate sacrifice. Get used to it. They will love you more for the morning storytime and NOT for the video game console or latest gadget, etc.

  7. It is much harder to stay home, raise kids, cook, clean, laundry, errands, teaching, nurturing, being a spouse, partner, mom, nurse and teacher than a full time job somewhere! Definitely not for the weak!!

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