This weekend was a very difficult one for me. My youngest is 15 months old now and it was time to end our breast feeding. I’ve been talking about stopping for the past 3 months, since her first birthday, but haven’t been able to bring myself to actually quit completely. Oh, I tried a couple of times. But just couldn’t do it! When to stop has been a major battle for me – I’ve been completely torn.
What made me finally decide we were done with this phase of our life together? For the past two weeks Boo has been nursing every 20-30 minutes each and every night. Yes, that makes for some very long nights for me. But at first I thought she was teething again and she just needed that connection to soothe her. Then this past week I realized something – she was building my milk back up. Okay, she is way to old for that now.
After her first birthday, just before Thanksgiving, I started breast feeding her for sleepy time only (naps and bed times). I tried to stop all together but she really didn’t respond well to it at all. Okay, so that may not be entirely true. Yes, it’s true she wanted to keep nursing but I think I may have wanted it even more than she did.
I LOVE NURSING!!! What an amazing gift from God it truly is! Not only did He create our bodies (woman that is) to grow and nourish a child in our womb. But after we give birth we are able to continue nourishing their little bodies through breast feeding. Not to mention the beautiful bonding time that happens between you and your precious wee one through breast feeding. Nursing my babies has been one of the most precious times in my life and I am saddened to see it end.
It was difficult for me when it came to an end with my first born, but it has been even more difficult with my Boo. I was recently told that I have PCOS and that it will be difficult for me to become pregnant again IF I can at all. So my little BooBerry may be my last little one I have the privilege to breast feed.
I think this may have been the biggest reason I was still nursing. I’m not ready for that part of my life to be over. Even thinking about it makes me sad enough that I cry. But, is that really a reason to continue? No – not really. Once I finally allowed myself to realize this (and admit it) then I was able to stop breast feeding.
So here I am sad (very sore) and feeling a little lost. What am I to do with myself now? But as I watch my little Boo eating her food better each day (and enjoying it) and drinking her juice and water more and more. I realize I truly did make the right decision for Boo – for both of us. It’s time for her little body to mature and receive nourishment from food now. The time has come for me to break away from breast feeding and find other ways to bond with my daughter. Yet another gift from God!
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